


Happy crimbo all!

by Ad_Absurdum



Category: Blur, Music RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Christmas, Humor, M/M, RPS - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-19
Updated: 2010-07-19
Packaged: 2017-10-10 16:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/101613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ad_Absurdum/pseuds/Ad_Absurdum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On Dec 24/25 2009 Graham Coxon's Twitter said: "Course I am up!! Gonna catch Santa by the aaaaarse!!!!" And it was just too good to pass up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy crimbo all!

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Never happened, it's all lies.

The big house, somewhere in Camden, stood dark and quiet. It was three in the morning and it was only natural that the people living there would be asleep. There was, however, one person that was wide awake.

Graham giggled softly to himself and nestled further into the couch. Tonight he would do it. He would catch Santa Claus. No one believed him when he said Santa was really really real. Even Pepper looked at him funny - she had that sort of pitying look that told him his little pumpkin somehow no longer believed in Santa. Graham blamed her mother, both for disillusioning Pepper and for the look she clearly must've inherited from her.

Tonight, though, he would prove once and for all that Santa Claus existed. He'd grab him and take a few pictures and post them on Twitter and MySpace for good measure, and everyone would be sorry for doubting him (and his sanity).

Graham bit on his nail and peered over the back of the couch he was lying on. It was placed so that he had an excellent view of the Christmas tree and the fireplace, through which Santa was no doubt going to come into the house. He even put a plate of biscuits and a glass of milk on the mantelpiece for the Santa. Yes, everything was prepared and all he had to do was wait.

He took out his iPhone and scrolled through his messages. He had texted Alex and Damon earlier that he was going to stay awake at night and wait for Santa Claus. He didn't send the message to Dave because Dave was no fun at all. He would only tell him - as so many times before - that he was wasting his time. Well, it was his time and he would waste it as he pleased.

Damon didn't reply and Alex just send him one word: _Pillock_.

Graham frowned at Alex's message again. Well, that wasn't very nice now, was it?

Suddenly Graham heard shuffling noises coming from the direction of the fireplace. Excitedly he pushed his glasses up his nose and looked over the back of he couch. There was loud rustling, something that sounded like muffled curses (Graham was momentarily confused - was Santa Claus supposed to curse?) and soot falling down. They didn't use the fireplace anymore, maybe he should have cleaned it?

He didn't have time to worry over that any longer, though, because then there was a loud thump and a red-and-white clad figure plopped down onto the floor. A rather portly figure. With a very big sack.

Graham quickly hid behind the couch again. He could hear Santa brushing the soot from his coat and muffle a sneeze. He stifled another giggle. Then he heard footsteps - Santa was walkig towards the tree to leave presents. It was time.

Graham climbed over the back of the couch - stealthily and nimbly and very ninja-like, he thought. Then he crept to Santa who was bending down to place a festively wrapped pacakage under the Christmas tree. And then yelling "Aha!" he grabbed Santa's bum.

There was a yelp and a tangle of limbs as Santa started violently and fell backwards, taking Graham down with him.

Graham was proud of himself. He caught Santa Claus! He had proof right in his hands - he still clutched Santa's bum firmly, in case he wanted to escape. He grinned delightedly.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Santa swore and Graham's grin faded a little. That sounded... familiar.

He narrowed his eyes and twisted slightly to look at Santa's face.

"Let go of my arse, you prat."

Graham's suspicions deepened. "Why do you sound like Damo?"

"Because it is me." Santa yanked on his beard, took off the hat and sure enough, Damon's scowling face appeared underneath.

"What?" Graham was so astonished he involuntarily squeezed the fleshy bumcheeks still nestled in his hands. Damon made a surprised, but pleased noise and pressed closer.

"What are you doing here?" Graham finally asked he pertinent question.

"Well..." Damon was a bit shifty-eyed. "You said you were going to wait for Santa Claus and I, er..." he paused and then muttered, words barely audible, "I didn't want you to be disappointed."

When Graham finally deciphered Damon's mumblings, he grinned even wider than before.

"That's so sweet."

Damon squirmed. "Shut up."

"That's really sweet," Graham continued undeterred, "but completely unnecessary. You see, Santa **will** come." Graham had that slightly disturbing gleam in his eye that only small children and true lunatics can manage.

Damon didn't really know what to say to that so he opted for silence. And concentrated on the nice feeling of Graham's hands on his arse.

"Hm," Graham hummed speculatively after a while. "Maybe I should show proper gratitude, though. After all, it's the thought that counts, even if it is completely misguided." Graham groped Damon more firmly.

"Oh yeah," Damon agreed fervently. He definitely liked the direction the conversation was going.

"Thought so." Graham smirked.

There wasn't much talking after that. There was some snogging, strategic relocation back to the couch, stroking and hands were placed in... interesting places.

And when Damon fell asleep and was snoring softly into Graham's neck, there was finally another rustling sound somewhere up the chimney flue and then a much more graceful 'plop' that the one before.

Graham propped himself up on one elbow, careful not to dislodge Damon, and peered over the couch. The real Father Christmas was pottering around the Christmas tree, arranging presents just so, and munching on a biscuit.

Graham smiled and slowly lay down again. Yes, all was right with the world and even if others didn't believe in Santa, Graham knew what he saw. With that comforting thought, and Damon's snore in his ear, he drifted off.


End file.
